One of my favorite writings of all time!

I finally found it! This was written by Josh Banner and at one time was posted on the BW Backroom site, but the site's been down for awhile now. I was browsing Charlie's site tonight and TADA! I LOVE to hear it read but the writting alone is so powerful:



Meditation on Isaiah 9
by Joshua Banner

Unto us a child is born
unto all of us
unto the widow
unto the homeless
the addict
the AIDS patient
unto us the football captain
and the drag queen
unto us the politician
the factory blue collar
us the single mother
the crack baby
and unto us the affluent suburbanite
unto us the Goth
the hippie
the rocker
the alternative and underground
unto us in Hollywood and on Madison Avenue
and unto all of us in between
unto us in the gutters of Calcutta
unto the Muslim
and the Jew
the Buddhist
the Krishna and the Hindu
unto us the fatherless
unto the heavenly fatherless

For unto us a child is born
a son is given
and a secret revolution begun.
This is what the prophets had been preparing for.

They said his name would be,
“Most Beautiful Wisdom”
“the Highest of Heaven’s Secrets”

his name would be
“the God who continually bends over backwards for you”
“the God who gets down on his hands and knees”
“the God who would become silly and mis-understood”
“the God who would be mocked- - the God whose name
would be taken in vain.”

He would be called
“the God of underdogs”

“the God of the powerless and unspiritual”

“the God of those who cannot pray or fast”

And there would be no end to him and his
underdog weaklings or their secret
there would be no end even
while the nations continue to rage on
even as ethnos rises against ethnos
even as valleys are filled with dead bones
and rivers run with blood
even as violence runs through our streets
and schools and hearts
covering us like a thick fog
Even in this dark land of weak people
the God who bends over backwards
will shine forth like a great light
as the dawning of a new day
letting his secret spread forth with healing and joy.

Drop the mirror and let it shatter
Crush the hourglass and stop the clocks ticking
stand still
hold your breath
anticipate—imagine
your wildest dreams.
Sell everything and buy the farm
Come with me, cover your eyes and hold out your hands
stop your weeping
stop your groans
the fast is over.

Let the celebration begin
the father has come
He has sent his son
Unto us He has been born
even unto us.

A Change in My Thinking

Wow - I've been on this journey - this quest, I guess you'd say - the past several months. It all relates to trying to be real but it's hard to be real when you don't know who you are. Quite the quandry! So now I kind of "get" what people mean when they say they are trying to "find themselves" though I still think that phrase is one of the silliest in our culture. I'm right here in this chair - duh!

So anyhow, in trying to learn who I really am I had to admit that I've spent a large majority of my life using emotional feelers/antenna to determine what people were thinking/feeling. And then I'd adjust according to my findings. Pleasing was my number one occupation and still is to a large degree. Well, let me tell ya, when you spend all your time and energy trying to be what you perceive other people want you to be there's little room for who God created you to be. Did you follow that one?! Not sure I did either.

That said, I'm finding more and more that the more "me" I am, the more opinionated people are toward me. I did a GREAT job conforming - had no idea how well I was at that game. As I've begun to get in touch with me, I realize I have to sacrifice the idea of all people liking me (wow - what a delusion that was). But it's SO much better to be loved for who you are than who someone thinks you to be. Not that this journey is over. Nope - it's only just begun and they say getting there is half the fun. I sure hope so!

Public - 11:05 AM - add eprops - add comments - edit it - email it

Loving the unlovely.

HOW??? How is a person supposed to love someone society views as a monster? Someone who has NO regard for another's life - no regard for other's feelings? Someone willing to go to any length to satisfy a pleasure or obsession? Am I to have sympathy out of a perspective of pity regarding mental illness? Somehow that feels like a cop out. Am I to take on the attitude that "God loves you so should I?" Again - cop out! I want to scream - how could He love you? How could He see this coming and NOT stop it! And yeah, I know all the "appropriate" answers, but I REFUSE to put those in writing at this point. It's something that will have to work through me first. I could give every trite, expected "good Christian" cliche but I won't - not here - not now. How do we love justice AND have mercy? I'm not capable and I KNOW that's part of the answer. But right now - justice is at the top of my list for this creep! THE END

Okay - here's my next attempt at a different kind of blog - but this one is a bit philosophical. Oh well! I'm in major self-discovery mode these days and see a pattern! One I'm sure everyone around me knows about - but that I'm just now seeing? No, embracing, I guess. I think learning to play guitar has taught me SO much about how I tackle life. I've been trying to learn now on and off for several years. Problem is, I either get discouraged or bored - very easily I might add! Mostly in the beginning it was discouragement. I'd learn a few things, hit a hard spot or a time when I couldn't seem to move forward and I'd quit for awhile. But like anything we're passionate about, that drive doesn't just disappear. So I'd go at it all over again. Well, I'm learning to talk my way through the tough spots now, but have moved on to a new obstacle. Boredom! I have a friend who is a new learner with guitar as well. I've heard him practice and he is very meticulous with what he learns. He plays the same segment of music over and over again, trying to get the perfect timing, notes, dynamics, etc. I take the same segment, learn it and rush through as quickly as possible because by the time I have it down I'm done with it. I want more! Something new to piddle with. Forget getting it just right - I want to soak up something new! Which is good and bad. It means I'll never be great at guitar - or probably anything for that matter.

And that's how I relate learning guitar to my life. I do something for awhile but there's always something shiny and pretty on the horizon getting my attention. And once it has my attention I can't focus on what I've got here and now any more. Gotta run out to the horizon to see what that shimmering is! Crazy!!! My biggest problem has been learning to embrace that for what it is and not think I'm a terrible person because of it. Still working on that one!

Casual blogging...

Okay, Ms. Caroline - this is for you and yo mamma - REALLY! I'm going to attempt to blog just to blog - not to philosophize (is that even a word?). So I'm drinking coffee, just ate some chips and cheese and goofing off in general. Had a conference with Doug's enrichement teacher this morning which was a bit uncomfy to say the least. We've pulled him out - he's been griping for months that he hates going and it's supposed to be a fun thing. Unfortunately there seem to be discrepencies between why he dislikes it and why his teacher thinks he dislikes it so there's much more talking to be done. And we're seeing a resurfacing of his Tourettes in a very annoying throat-clearing tic. Thank GOD for the teacher he has this year - she's amazing and copes SO well - better than I do as a mom I have to say. So that's my non-flowery blog. How's that?!?! Seriously I do want to learn how to just journal without feeling a need to make a point on here. So why is it so freakin' hard for me to do that?

Invisible Children - ongoing crisis in Uganda. Wow! I knew about Invisible Children but you know how sometimes it takes God quickening your heart and awakening your spirit to His heart? I'm WIDE awake and forever changed. www.invisiblechildren.com - go there - read the journals - ask questions - get informed. God help us love mercy - help us do justly - help us walk humbly with You.

When will I meet
Who You made me to be?
When will I cease bouncing between
Conformity and rebellion
Trying to fit in?
When will I find true center
Middle C?
The place where You knit me
Together?
When?
When will life cease to be about pleasing
And become about living?
Here and now
Who and how
You made me to be!
Tell me
When?

Scattering...

Last week I heard a message that blew me away - and gave such confirmation on what God's been doing in my heart the past several years. It was all about scattering. One of the scriptural references was to the parable of the seeds that Jesus gives. The speaker made the point that Jesus didn't precisely measure out the places where He would plant these seeds. He didn't dig holes to specific depths or formulize fertilizer to match the soil type. He didn't follow a watering/feeding ritual. He (as this speaker so wonderfully put it) went all "willy-nilly" and took handfulls of seed and tossed them - scattering them all along the path he walked. And He did so knowing many would never make it to fertile ground! Imagine that!

What does that say about our plans and contrition and programs and formulas? I think too often what we want is a formula or plan that yeilds the most fruit - that insures success in our own eyes. Jesus didn't talk about scattering seeds and waiting to see what "success" looked like. In fact He prepared us to know that much of our "effort" would go without evidence of affectiveness! So why do we spend so much time concentrating on the "perfect plan"? How about going through life - REAL life - IN THE WORLD (gasp!) and scattering seeds AS WE GO?!? How about letting God be responsible (bigger gasp!) for the fruit and just doing life with one another by the power of the Spirit? Hmmmmm.... that might require me to change some of my preconceptions regarding "church" and "evangelism" and "temptation" - eeek! Just something to think about.

I'm In the Way
Yep - more lyrical musings from Jars of Clay - "Who We Are Instead":

I'm In the Way

You sit and stare out at the sky
And think of ways to fake a smile
But life is never what it seems
Sometimes it only takes a while

I'm in the way of fallin' down
I won't let you go that far now
I'm in the way of fallin' down
I won't let you go that far now

If you think that hope was left behind
I picked it up a mile ago
And I'm running close behind
So don't give up and don't let go


This song is so simple yet so powerful and speaks to me about God's sovereignty and love for us. He's always got us even when it "feels" like He doesn't. There's a lot of theological "stuff" that can come out of this but ultimately I think if we trust God's ultimate will, we can feel safe to live abundantly and passionately knowing He's NEVER letting go - even when we are at our worst.

Trouble Is - More lyrics - go figure....


Okay I've finally said "I GIVE!". I guess this will be a continuation of lyrical and musical dissection as this seems to be the way God is able to really penetrate my stubborn heart these days. But I'm so glad He IS! This is another song from Jars of Clay "Who We Are Instead" - the song the album title comes from in fact.

My wings don't sail me to the sky
On my own these wings won't fly
Jesus told me so
Still I'm not so sure that I know

Can't find no rest for my soul
Can't find no rest on my own
Jesus told me so
Still I'm not so sure that I know

Man, the trouble is
We don't know who we are instead

I'll keep runnin' the other way
My heart ain't built to stay
My heart ain't built to stay
And the world just ain't that way

My heart ain't built to stay
My heart ain't built to stay
Jesus told me so


I have a love/hate relationship with this song because of the raw truth it contains. If we (I) only understood our (my) TRUE identity instead of clinging to the dead thing that died on the cross with Christ we'd (I'd) sail right along! And even though Jesus reminds me that I'm going to fail - that I'm nothing without Him in me, again and again I find myself fighting my own battles and then wondering why I falter. HEEELLLOOOO!!!! It's all summed up in those two lines "Jesus told me so. Still I'm not so sure that I know." Head knowledge I have. Heart transference - that's another story all together. He tells me - I say "okay - got it!" and the next thing I know I'm begging for Him to lift me up out of the dirt again because somehow I got to this place all on my own but don't have the ability to get out. And THAT IS the point! And it's all okay because of His grace that He never forgets we need. Thank goodness for a God who knows me so much better than I know myself - who is patient, long-suffering, kind, gentle and knows far better than I what I really need!